Drama makes for entertainment. I get that. I like House MD because House is a jerk. He’s a drama factory.

If you saw the season finale, you saw House’s selfishness contribute to the death of his best friend’s girlfriend. Even though House risked his life to figure out what was wrong with her, she still died. House and Wilson did not end the episode on good terms.

One of the show’s producers commented on this: “The audience should worry about the future of their relationship.”

No. The audience should not worry. That’s a bad idea, Katie Jacobs.

I know she’s teasing the fans who watch the show for its drama. WIth House and Wilson on the outs, as they sometimes are, the drama gets another wrinkle. Stories thrive on wrinkles, and House particularly – just watch how many times a single patient’s diagnosis changes with new symptoms. A show can gain too many wrinkles – it ceases to be good and suddenly becomes dumb. I give you the famous shark-jumping incident as the classic example.

The House/Wilson relationship can’t change too much or it ceases to be interesting. Add as many wrinkles as you like, Katie Jacobs, but don’t jump any sharks.

This is getting ridiculous.

How many of these plastic drum kits am I going to have to buy? Rock Band‘s kit takes up enough space as it is, and now I’m going to have to add another one?

What you see above is for the next iteration of Guitar Hero, the first three versions of which did not include drums. Guitar Hero was created by a developer called Harmonix. It was intended as an entertaining pseudosimulation of playing guitar in a rock band. What made Guitar Hero so popular was its social aspect – it got people to play the game together.

Harmonix split from its publisher and started making its own game called Rock Band. It was a more advanced version of Guitar Hero – it combined all of the neat stuff about the original game and added drums and vocals. It’s so-so to play alone, but it’s a blast to play with a group. They also released new songs for around $2 each.

That turned out to be a really good idea, because they’re making tons of money on it, which is why Guitar Hero’s next version is adding the drum kit you see above, which is an upgrade from Rock Band’s drum kit – this new one has cymbals. Not only that, but they’re pushing it gently toward being an actual simulation rather than a pseudosimulation – you will be able to create real music with your fake instruments.

The Big Plastic Toy Instrument Arms Race continues. Rock Band’s developers haven’t shown anybody what they’re working on for Rock Band 2, which is supposed to come out around the same time. We don’t know what they’re going to add to their game, but we know it’ll probably have everything that the new Guitar Hero has, plus some other things.

I’m still holding out hope for a flute controller. You can use it with Wii Fit, so it knows if you’re standing on one foot.

In the morning, I’m a guru. Sleep reconfigures my neurons and aligns them in lattices and crystalline receivers, ladders for electrons and bosons. I can feel the ebb of the backstage motions of destiny like the of rush of blood through my brain veins. The fates weave patterns across my dreams. Chunks of wisdom crack and break from the floes and spill from my mouth.

Coffee destroys these fragile antennae-to-the-galaxies. They are ephemeral. They are unpredictable. And they’re banished by caffeine.

How else can I explain such early-morning wise words as these, which found purchase in the ears of my unwitting, well-meaning coworkers?

- “It’s better to be here than other places.”
- “Yeah, work is work, but sometimes it has to be your work and not somebody else’s.”
- “Can you imagine what would happen if we let the morning people take control? Bonzai or something.”
- “Jellyfish scarabs, underwater.”
- “I would rather eat broken glass than drink that crap, with a spoon.”
- “Oh, you’re talking about sports.”
- “Hngh?”